How Professor Snape Stole Christmas
by kazokuhouou
Summary: Well, Cookies Anyway.


How Professor Snape Stole Christmas (Well, Cookies Anyway)

By Houou Kazoku-Kaga

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter. AU set during Harry's second year.

Professor Severus Snape had a sweet tooth.

Unexpected, coming from one of the most austere and gloomy teachers in Hogwarts. But sweet tooth he had, and he couldn't just satisfy his cravings the normal way. If students saw him buying sweets instead of potion ingredients, not only would they not take him seriously anymore, but-worse yet- the admirers he had (yes, he has them) would send him more of said sweets. And since he can't resist, he'd just eat them all and end up too big to enter his Potions class, and woe be to those who sent sweets. Sirius Black knew that.

[For the record, Sirius meant the 200 galleons worth of sweets delivered to Snape as a practical joke; not knowing Snape had a sweet tooth. Their relationship was purely adversarial. Just wanted to clear that up.]

So, Snape had other means to get his sugar. He mail ordered some sweets and had them delivered in secrecy. Albus Dumbledore, who did not hide his sweet tooth, snuck him Muggle candies; while they were not the same as wizard candies, they were good in their own way.

And around this time, he could eat cookies. The con to this was he had to wear a Santa suit and deliver presents relations sent, but luckily many of the younger years believed in St. Nick still and left milk and cookies.

Which Snape ate in a jiffy.

Oh, yeah. Christmas is a jolly time indeed.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Ginny Weasley shifted her position yet again. Now that she was at Hogwarts and her mother can't send her to bed for staying up too late, she was going to catch Santa Claus. To help her out were those masters of trickery, her brothers Fred and George Weasley.

To blend in with the shadowy part of the common room, they covered their skin with a blue substance that would fade come the morn.

A figure landed in the fireplace, cursing. He muttered under his breath until he spotted the cookies Ginny left as bait. He reached out for the cookie…

A blinding flash alerted him to another's presence.

"Hey!"

"You're not Santa!"

Ginny ran out the door. "Professor! Snape's stealing Santa's cookies!"

_Oh_ and _shit_ ran through Snape's mind as he went with his last rational thought.

He took the cookies and ran.

I take it back. That wasn't rational.

-=-==-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

Ginny was holding Snape's leg and wasn't letting go.

"Give me back Santa's cookies!"

"MY PRECIOUS!"

_Precious? Severus read Lord of the Rings one too many times,_ McGonnagal thought as she pondered how the hell was she gonna get Snape out of this.

"Happy Christmas!" A voice behind them boomed. They turned and…

"SANTA!!!" Ginny let go of Snape's leg and latched onto Santa in a bear hug.

"Well, hello there, little girl. Happy Christmas!"

"Happy Christmas to you too! But Santa, Professor Snape stole your cookies!"

"Well, Virginia," Santa sat in a chair and Ginny got onto his lap. "Snape's been a bad boy this year." Snape gave the speaker a glare. "Normally, bad boys get coal for Christmas. But Snape would want coal. So I force feed him a potion that makes him crave sweets."

"And that's why he stole your cookies!" Ginny finished.

"Now, good little girls should be in bed so Santa can give them presents."

Ginny scampered off to bed.

The two teachers looked at the third person.

"Thanks for bailing me out, Albus," Snape said as he finished his cookies.

"That's all right," 'Santa' said. "I was glad to help. Now you should finish delivering the presents."

Snape dropped off packages for the Weasleys and Harry Potter, then left through Hogwarts's teachers' floo network for Ravenclaw, leaving Dumbledore and McGonnagal in the room.

"Has anyone ever told you the Santa suit made you look sexy?"

McGonnagal turned and left, leaving a speechless, blushing Albus Dumbledore.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-

And so that's how Snape stole Christmas. Fred and George remind him of that every year by sending him a bag of cookies, which Snape enjoyed thoroughly.

Not that he didn't punish them.


End file.
